Twisted Scriptures

In her book, Twisted Scriptures, Mary Alice Chrnaloger has this to say:

         "... Abusive discipleship is played approximately the same way.  Control over
         people is disguised as agreement with a discipler who, you are told, has
         your best interests at heart.  Unlike the game, the choices are not
         trivial, but are more likely to be important (e.g., whom to marry, what
         vocation to pursue, and where to live).  Unlike the game, however, abusive
         discipleship results in unnecessary fear, shame, and guilt-and, most
         importantly, the rules of abusive discipleship are not Biblical rules."

         "The rules of abusive discipleship are not evident in the beginning.  What is
         initially obvious is a great display of personal attention, love, and
         caring.  This is what people usually (and understandably) find so
         attractive about such groups.  They will call you even when no one else
         does, they will invite you out to dinner, they will tell you that they
         care.  They will also tell you that you can grow much faster spiritually by
         having a discipler who is wiser (than you) in the Lord.  They will impress
         upon you all the wonderful benefits of being a part of such a program.  And
         they will teach you that Jesus did this exact same thing with his
         disciples.  You will be assigned a "buddy" to stand alongside and be your
         constant friend.  It is often true that, with spiritual guidance, we can
         grow much faster.  The problem is that, in some discipleships, spiritual
         growth accelerates for a short yet seductive period before being restricted
         by controlling techniques."

"Abusive disciplers expect you to:
make considerable time in your schedule for them

call them frequently to get advice

meet with them often

share with or confess your sins to them, and to be "transparent" to them in every area of your life

trust them with all your most intimate secrets- even though they may have nothing to do with sin

discuss even your non-moral decisions with them

trust the advice your discipler gives you, and  obey this discipler in every area of your life.

         "You may be led to believe that any violation of the discipler's rules can be
         a sin.  This is part of the deceptive and hidden agenda built into the
         program.  You begin to believe that it is actually sinful to not follow the
         rules after you have accepted the discipler as your buddy.

         "After you become involved in a domineering program, you frequently
         discover it's considered sinful (or at least backsliding in your spiritual
         development) to break your commitment and end the relationship.

         "In a controlling discipleship, there are other ideas that are hidden from
         you.  Aberrant discipleship teaches new meanings for such words as obey,
         submit, die to self, and brokenness.  Their meaning is altered from the
         true Biblical understanding of these concepts.  Abusive disciplers expand
         the meanings far beyond what the Bible teaches, to imply that, anytime you
         don't want to accept the advice of a leader, you are likely not broken,
         obedient, submissive, or dying to self.  These non-Biblical definitions are
         usually concealed until the abusive disciplers feel you are trustworthy
         enough to be given their teachings."

    "ABUSIVE DISCIPLESHIPS  MAKE IT A SIN NOT TO FOLLOW THEIR 
RULES!

The Bible offers us these examples of sin:

        > "the cravings the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does"
           (1 John 2:16)

        > "lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient
           to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous,
           without self-control, brutal, not lover of the good, treacherous, rash,
           conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God" (2 Tim. 3:2)

        > "bitterness, rage and anger, brawling, and slander, along with every form
           of malice"
           (Eph. 4:31) and "sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed"
           (Col. 3:5)

        > Romans 13:13 mentions "adultery, murder, stealing, coveting" as sins

        In abusive discipleships, sin is expanded to mean almost anything that the
        leaders don't like (e.g., challenging leaders' actions, not obeying
        leaders' advice, disagreeing with leaders, questioning leaders, or openly
        criticizing leaders).

        "The most common non-Biblical idea that is planted in members' minds by
        abusive groups is that they are rebellious, hardhearted, or prideful when
        they decide not to follow the group's rules.  Breaking a rule is usually
        taken to mean sinning against God.  This is  coercion because these
        dedicated  Christians will force themselves to follow agendas they would
        otherwise refuse to accept."

        "The non-abusive discipler, on the other hand, does not see you as less holy
        for rejecting advice in matters which do not deal with morals.  There is no
        manipulation to make you feel guilt or sin for refusing to follow this type
        of advice.  The abusive discipler does not expect you to always follow his
        advice either.  But he is much more inclined to judge you as not humble,
        not broken, or not spiritual if you reject his advice in non-moral, or
        non-Scriptural matters.  (Note:  Non-moral matters are those which do not
        involve an issue of sin or innocence, such as selecting the color to use in
        painting the walls of your dining room, or whether to buy a two-door or a
        four-door car)."

                                                                "CHECKLIST
        The Discipleship Game-Chapter 1

        Check those that apply to your group:

        "NOTE:  If you have checked any boxes, it indicates a misunderstanding of
        Scripture and may represent the presence of abuse and excessive control."

Isolation from family and friends may occur with an abusive or controlling group.
Quoting again from Mary Alice's book;

        "Specifically the types of coercion and deception found in these discipleships
        are:

        > the attitude that we are superior to all other churches, our message is
           superior as is our understanding of the Bible

        > a lack of tolerance for disagreement with leadership

        > hidden agendas as evidenced by withholding of information and concealing
           manipulation and exploitation that occur after disciples are more deeply
           involved

        > instilling a belief that disobeying certain requests (which do not deal
           with Scripture morals or values) from the discipler is a sin

         Once a disciple has been convinced that it is sinful to disobey even a
         portion of non-moral advice from the discipler, the disciple will
         "voluntarily" follow the discipler's suggestions in order to avoid feelings
         of guilt.  In essence, the disciple becomes a slave obedient to the
         discipler's advice.

        Information concerning the leaders, which the group defines as negative, is
        suppressed by demeaning those disciples who speak out.  This humiliation
        frequently is done by:

        > imposing a standard by which disciples are often caused to feel guilty or
           ashamed

        > judging relentlessly members' hearts or motives

        > threatening to rebuke the "offending" disciple, sometimes even in public

        > arbitrarily dismissing disciples or causing them to want to leave when the
           disciple merely disagrees with opinions of the leaders

        When a person can't freely share doubts about an important matter without
        the threat of expulsion or other negative repercussions, it can cause great
        inner struggles and leave one emotionally devastated.

        Controlling groups usually withhold their additional meanings of obey and
        submit.  These definitions typically are held back until the leaders see
        that you trust them enough to assure your acceptance of these new
        teachings.  Controlling groups lower the disciple's defenses by distorting
        the highly important concepts of commitment and trust.  These concepts are
        twisted by abusive discipleship groups to take on new meanings that the
        Bible doesn't support.

        When abusive controllers deliberately withhold information, they may say:
        'You are not ready to be radically committed."  In short, there is one set
        of teachings for beginners and a different set for the more committed.  If
        you think, "My discipleship group doesn't use hidden agendas.'  I want you
        to look more closely.  These mind games and hidden agendas are difficult to
        see initially."

Controlling or abusive groups will sometimes tell members they will be lost or "lose their covering" if they leave the group.  This is a way of keeping them in line.  Using fear as a way of controlling them.

                                                                "CHECKLIST
        The Discipleship Disaster-Chapter 2

        Check those that apply to you and/or your group:
 

        I sometimes feel uneasy when talking with my family about plans  
        I'm not as close to my old friends as I used to be  My church has 
        more accountability than most others  My spiritual growth depends 
        upon following most all of my leader's requests                                          [  ]

        I feel guilty when my desires don't match the authority  I sometimes 
        feel burned out and depressed when I have to suppress my own 
        thoughts and desires to follow what my discipler thinks is                           [  ]

        When my thoughts are different from my leaders, I feel as though 
        my heart is going against God's will                                                            [  ]

        My leaders are better able to hear from God than I am  I am some-
        times labeled as "rebellious" when I am struggling with accepting 
        their advice                                                                                                [  ]

   NOTE:  If you have checked any boxes, it indicates a misunderstanding of
  Scripture and may represent the presence of abuse and excessive control."

THE LEADERS

Should we implicitly trust our leaders?  Are their words the same as God's?

        "The more extreme controlling groups will stress one or more of these ideas
        to gain more control:

        > Not only should you trust God but you need to trust your leaders

        > Not only should you be loyal to God but you need to be loyal to your
           leaders

        > Not only should you have faith in God but you need to have faith in your
           leaders

        > Not only should you imitate Jesus but you need to imitate your leaders

        "You won't find these ideas in the Bible.  But, if a group wants to gain
        nearly unlimited authority over people, it is extremely important for that
        group to emphasize them.  Even if your group only uses one of these ideas,
        it is time to analyze how it is misused and what the Bible really teaches
        about it.  Of course, it is not wrong to have some trust, faith, or loyalty
        in your leadership.  What is wrong is to teach that the Bible says this is
        expected of us.  If your group labels people as sinners because they don't
        trust the leaders, don't have faith in them, don't have loyalty to them, or
        fail to imitate them, this is also contrary to Scripture.

        "Non-controlling churches generally follow more accurately Scripture and only
        teach trusting in God, having faith in God, having loyalty to God, and
        imitating the life and virtues of Jesus or the virtues of Jesus in people.

        "Can you picture yourself in a non-controlling church and hearing the pastor
        preach that you should have faith and trust in him?  I'm sure there would
        be complaints after the sermon.  Many in the church would immediately
        wonder why the pastor wanted them to have faith or trust in him.  It wasn't
        the pastor who died for us, it was Jesus.  Yet, many discipleships erroneously
        teach trust in mortal leaders.

        One argument that I hear is that 'The Bible teaches us to obey and honor our
        leaders.' This is true, but honor is not the same as loyalty, and obedience
        doesn't mean trust.  We cannot play word games by interchanging these words
        at random.  Honor, loyalty, trust and obedience have different meanings.
        We can honor a messenger, but not be loyal to him."

        So, from these excerpts from the book, you can see the types of tactics used
        by abusive and controlling groups.  They tend to isolate members from family
       and friends.  They often have strict rules and laws not found in the Bible with
       which they guide and control members.

Another take on spiritual abuse is here: Abuse can occur non-stop

For additional information.
Twisted Scriptures
Control Techniques, Inc.
PO Box 8021
Chattanooga, TN 37414

Other sources:

 Healing Spiritual Abuse, by Ken Blue

Combating Cult Mind Control, by Steven Hassan's (1988). Park Street Press.

12 'Christian' Beliefs That Can Drive You Crazy : Relief from False Assumptions:
by Henry Cloud, John Townsend

The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse, Dave Johnson and Jeff VanVonderen