2. Resisting Self Righteousness: the struggle to acknowledge our needs
The public exposure of the sexual escapades of another Christian leader had filled Bob with rage. “How could he do that” he fumed. “He should be ashamed. It’s a terrible testimony!”
Bob did not think of himself as self-righteous. Neither did he think of himself as contemptuous of others or full of deceit about himself . Nor had he set out to become smug and condemning. Quite to the contrary, the roots of his self righteousness began within him as a sincere desire for moral purity. Over the years, however, he found that his desire for moral purity was gradually becoming distorted. He was loosing touch with his own needs and limitations and at the same time becoming more and more angry about the needs and limitations of others.
For most of us, the driving force behind self-righteousness is a protection against the awareness that we are vulnerable and needy. Focusing on the failures of other people, protects us from the painful awareness of our own needs and limits. Experiences with shame have convinced many of us that it is bad to have needs. As a result, we desperately want to be strong and resourceful and are ashamed of needing help.
Religious practices and teachings which feed this shame are the soil in which religious self-righteousness grows. If God is harsh and judgmental, if he rejects all but the strong and righteous, then we will find ourselves working compulsively to look strong and righteous. But if God is mercy-full, if God does not shame us for our needs, then it may be possible for us to learn to accept our needs.
The Bible is clear about God’s acceptance of our needs. God invites us to acknowledge our needs. As we do so, we experience the human vulnerability that we share with all other humans. As we embrace our own human struggle, it becomes possible for us to meaningfully embrace our brothers and sisters as well.
Questions for Personal Reflection
1. How did people in your family respond to needs?
a. physical needs
b. spiritual needs
c. emotional needs
2. How have you seen people in your community of faith respond to needs?
a. physical needs
b. spiritual needs
c. emotional needs
3. What thoughts and feelings do you have about your own needs?
Bible Study
To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everybody else, Jesus told this parable: “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men - robbers, evildoers, adulterers - or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’ But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’ I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.” Lk 18:9-14
1. What insights did you gain from your time of personal reflection?
2. Jesus told this story for the benefit of people who ‘were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else’. What are the dangers of this kind of self righteousness?
3. When have you found yourself thinking and feeling like the Pharisee in this story? What was this experience like for you?
4. The Pharisee compares himself with the tax collector and concludes that he is spiritually superior. What are the dangers of comparing ourselves with others?
5. Jesus also told this story for the benefit of people who have experienced rejection, shame and abuse from self-righteous people. What experiences have you had with people who are confident of their own righteousness and look down on others? What impact have these experiences had on you?
6. Unlike the Pharisee, the tax collector was able to acknowledge his need. What is the advantage to being able to acknowledge our needs?
7. Many people associate the word humble with low self esteem. But the solution to self righteousness is not low self esteem. How does humility differ from low self esteem?
8. What effect does it have on you to know that God does not shame you for your needs but instead pronounces blessing when you have the courage to acknowledge your needs?
Prayer
What do you want to say to the God who pronounces blessing on people who acknowledge their needs?
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