1. Resisting Pretense: the struggle for honesty
One of the first things Mike learned about the Christian faith as a young child was that ‘every day with Jesus is sweeter than the day before’. He accepted this with the simple faith of a child. It was very confusing, therefore, when every day did not seem to be sweeter. Some days were good days, but some were bad days, some were very, very bad days. As he grew older he found it very difficult to sustain the pretense. . .except at church.
At church he could still act and feel like ‘every day is sweeter’. Sometimes he was angry in the car all the way to church, yelling at the kids, or blaming his wife for making them late again. But as soon as he actually got to church, a remarkable transformation took place. Suddenly, he was able to smile and say “Fine, thanks, how are you?” The week may have been miserable. He may have felt lonely, or depressed or angry or afraid. But for a few hours on Sunday morning he was able to pretend that all was well.
When Mike was laid off from his job, however, it became more difficult to sustain the pretence. He would go to church, exchange social formalities, and try to focus on the victorious Christian life. Gradually he began to experience a kind of inner panic. It was taking more and more energy to sustain the pretense and he had less and less energy to give. Maybe, he worried, he had lost more than his job. Maybe he had lost his faith as well.
When our denial systems are reinforced by religious convictions we will experience shame and confusion. We become afraid that there is something terribly wrong with us or with our faith. This is especially true if the religious roots of pretense can sink in the soil of existing family dysfunctions. If our family-of-origin lived by the ‘if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all’ rule and our community of faith is also committed to this rule, it will be very difficult for us to learn to speak the truth. But pretense is a soul assassin. It is an emotional numbness, a soul sickness that prevents us from having access to our real thoughts and feelings. As a result, pretense isolates us from the people and the resources we need. When religious practices or customs reinforce denial, people of biblical faith can appeal to the clear teaching of Scripture. As we will see in the text for this study, Jesus had strong feelings about pretense.
Questions for Personal Reflection
1. Think of a specific time when you were encouraged by someone in your family or in your church to minimize the emotional pain you were feeling.
a. What was said that encouraged you to minimize or pretend?
b. What did you do?
c. How did you feel?
2. Think of a specific time when you were encouraged to talk about yourself honestly by someone in your family or in your church.
a. What was said that encouraged you?
b. What did you do?
c. How did you feel?
Bible Study
Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean. Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men’s bones and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness. Matthew.23:25-28
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. James 5:16
1. What insights did you gain from your time of personal reflection?
2. Jesus confronted the religious leaders of his day because they had replaced honesty with pretense and encouraged others to do the same. What thoughts and feelings do you have as you read Jesus’ strong words?
3. Jesus uses two metaphors that contrast “inside” and “outside”. What leads us to cover up our “inside” life while working hard to look good in our “outside” life?
4. According to Jesus, pretense leads to “unclean” insides and “dead” insides. How have you experienced this in your life?
5. What effect does pretense have on our relationship with God and our experience of faith?
6. According to Jesus, pretense leads to death. According to this text from James, honesty leads to healing. What is it about honesty that leads to healing?
7. What experiences have you had with the healing that honesty can bring?
8. What fears keep us from this kind of honesty?
9. What impact does it have on you to know that God desires honesty rather than pretense?
Prayer
What do you want to say to the God who invites you to experience the healing power of honesty?
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